I’d like to look a bit at topping, seeing as for now the basics of bottoming have been explored. As top you have one job, and that is to pleasure your bottom in the best way you know how. Good technique and patience are your friends, as is not being an asshole (that’s his job). Understand that you don’t have control over the scene; the bottom does. He dictates how fast or slow things go, and he can pause or stop the action at any time. At least until later on, he is the dom, and you’re the sub. You’ll get used to it.
Here are a few important rules for topping:
- Your bottom is the boss
- Never tell him to just relax
- Always offer eye contact
- Stay focused. Be sober
- Tell him what movements you’re making, especially if you don’t know each other
- Be cautious. Wait for him to tell you to go faster, wider, deeper.
- Be mindful of his health, so that he doesn’t have to be. If he bleeds, ask him if he wants to stop. If he continues to bleed, definitely stop.
- Be absolutely in love with him, and show him.
In addition, I have one earnest recommendation: be a bottom as well. In my experience, a guy who bottoms makes a better top. He simply knows the experience of bottoming, and can therefore empathise, leading to more understanding sex. He’s also less likely to have that cunty macho top attitude that unfortunately still prevails in many corners of gay society.
Now let’s talk about technique. You’ve probably heard of the duckbill before. Scrap it. I find a better way is this: use a very slow fucking motion, first with three fingers, then add your pinkie when he’s open enough, before finally tucking your thumb in at your palm. Don’t turn. Turning can help with opening up, but try it once getting the fist in is accomplished. Before you get to anything fancy, just have your palm facing the spine and aim down towards it, while slowly adding the pinkie and thumb. It doesn’t matter if he’s on his front or his back, aim at his posterior, and curl around the coccyx, and into a ball. For some guys aiming directly towards the back is fine; others, like me, like it aimed a little obliquely to either side (for me it’s to my right). Unless he has an irregularly shaped rectum, one of these three positions will work. Usually making a ball with your hand is easier than extending it, as it will sit in the rectum without probing any further. If he wants to feel it less wide and a little deeper, keep your fingers straight as you enter, with your thumb curled in the same position as before. It may not be easy to find a good direction for your fingertips, so go slowly. When you’re up to the wrist, it’s likely that your fingertips are already through to the sigmoid, which is the next section of the colon. Going through to the sigmoid might feel a little awkward for him, but has the potential to become a source of great pleasure. The ring/hole/aperture that you go through to get there is a tricky little bastard, and requires some coaxing to widen for your entire hand. Take it slow if you decide that’s where you want to go; there’s of course nothing wrong with playing no deeper than the rectum.
To help the ass enjoy the feeling, it helps to turn and stretch when inside. That will make the area nice and flushed and excited. Explore some corners (staying in the rectum, at least at first), and see what he reacts to best. There are often a few sweet spots, and as long as you take it slowly he will really enjoy them.
On dominating: later on, once he’s comfortable and open, he may allow you your dominance back. Take it as a gracious gift, and then go crazy on his hole. Cover his eyes with a blindfold; hold him down with your foot on his back; make him beg for fist. Try flogging him beforehand, scratch his back, bite his ass. But only do this once you’ve reached the right zone with him. He’ll tell you when he’s ready.
I’ll write an entry in future about extended techniques for tops.