FF PMI: Plus, Minus, Interesting

Hey. Here’s my Plus-Minus-Interesting for all things handball. As in one of my previous entries, I change tack quite suddenly rather than starting a new paragraph. There are too many isolated thoughts here for essay-style writing. #Sorrynotsorry.

PLUS

• I love giving up control, eventually.
• I love moving in harmony with my top.
• I love showing off my body.
• I love being a little princess. And I love being a man.
• I love when he reaches into me and I have to growl with excitement.
• I love when his second hand slides in like it’s nothing.
• I love it when he says “I fucking love you!” with or without his arm inside me.
• I love chatting to other experienced guys about fisting psychology, and finding they’re on the exact same level as me. We find ourselves finishing each other’s sentences. Anyone listening in would not be able to comprehend anything we’re talking about, but for us it makes perfect sense. This happened to me yesterday having tea with a new friend.
• I love that the fisting community is so open-minded, and is full of guys with good values. Trusting a fister is easy, especially a guy who bottoms. He gives you his guts and says, “Here, play with them. I trust you not to hurt me.” Like, omg. I’m slowly learning that total tops can also be just as trustworthy. The ones who take your health and safety seriously certainly are, and you’ll notice pretty quickly if they do.
• I LOVE trying other people’s dildos, borrowing them or being gifted them. For fellow dildo lovers it can work like an exchange system, a public library for the internally gifted. I go through two phases in life: those with dildos, and those without. Typically these phases last a few months. Beware if you catch me in a dildoing phase, you’re likely to notice sudden advancements in my ass’s capabilities.
• I love poppers. Same deal as the dildos though, my interest in them comes and goes in phases. (Side note: different brands and chemicals seem to work for different people. I won’t list my favourites, because that has also changed over time. Try out different kinds and see what you like best.)
• I love holes that are extremely wide and/or deep, where you feel like you can do anything. Splashing around in a big experienced hole is my favourite kind of fisting. At that point my attraction to a guy’s ass overrides any reservations about his age or his looks, and I think that’s a good thing. You learn to sail in old ships. And in huge, proud, magnificent, sloppy, messy, destroyed, delicious ships.
• I love prolapses. The bigger the better. I have no justification for it, but I’ve come to terms with it. You only have one life, might as well accept what you love. (While we’re on the subject I also am intrigued by videos of prolapses + shit. Only kind of scat I’m into. It’s not something I’d try though.
• I love it when I need to cry because the session felt so good. I love that I don’t need to be ashamed about that.
• I love that bottoming gets easier over time.
• I love being curious about what my ass would like from the menu each time – double, depth, punching, slow or fast, turning or straight, closed hand or open, pushing out or relaxing, on my front or on my back, or standing up or in some fun more experimental position, outside or in private, with a stranger or with my best friend, psychologically thrilling or just a simple physical satisfaction.
• I love looking forward to next time. Anticipation, longing, yearning can be positive experiences.

MINUS

• I hate that my ass never wants to end a session. I’m the idiot at 9am still begging for more when everyone else wants to go to sleep. Axel Abysse is right when he says “My hole is my curse”.
• I hate continuing with a top who is obviously too tired. One time a guy fell asleep with his hand in me, and several times my boyfriend has come close. Put your dumb bottom needs aside and accept that the session is over.
• I hate comparing my ass to those of others. It’s pointless and leads to dissatisfaction. Let your ass go its own way. It’ll change over time anyway. “My, the places you’ll go!” comes to mind.
• I hate not preparing appropriately for a session. Take that fibre supplement. Eat the right food. Get enough sleep. Be careful with drugs. Drink enough water. Take your PrEP. Buy the supplies you need. Allow enough time for a session, so your head is clear. All these things, they don’t just apply to others, they apply to YOU. Taking ownership of your sex life includes all of the above. Make a habit out of it. (Also don’t make yourself wrong for not doing it. The next opportunity is around the corner.)
• I hate forcing myself to enjoy something I’m not in the mood for. My ass is not always horny, and sometimes I don’t realise until I’ve started a session. It’s ok to just (s)top if your ass isn’t having it.
• I hate when nobody is keeping an eye on the time to make sure chatting stops and fisting begins.
• I hate that I get jealous of my boyfriend’s fist partners. He’s improved so much by learning from others, and I’m proud of him. In the end it benefits me anyway (nothing in life is truly altruistic). Giving up jealousy is a practice that needs to be applied in each new instance. Kind of like exercising good Christian values in your life.
• I hate when a top or a bottom acts as though he knows more than he does. This happens seldomly though.
  ***
• I hate hearing that guys have huge fisting accidents. This is a whole world of awful. From what I know, drugs are the culprit. Be careful with crystal meth, and also with chloroethane sprays such as Max Imapact and Dr Henning. Crystal meth (aka methamphetamine) is a strong central nervous system stimulant that makes you hornier and more confident in your abilities. It’s also neurotoxic and highly addictive, and is the one which makes people scratch at their skin until it bleeds, grind away their teeth and not sleep for days). Chloroethyl on the other hand is a central nervous system depressant, a narcotic, which means it makes you very numb (while getting you nice and high), relieving pain in the body. You don’t feel what you normally would, and therefore are more likely to push your body too far and break something. I tried it a few times and each time I suddenly felt literally nothing. For me the appeal of extreme sex is in feeling all that you can, so it was easy for me not to fall into the trap of sprays. Everyone’s different though – some people swear by it. If you’re a top for someone who is taking it, just be careful of their safety. On a related note: for an upcoming entry I’ve engaged a survivor of a serious colon perforation. He’s written about his experience of the accident, his hospital visit and recovery, and his outlook now. The draft has been written and we’re aiming to publish it on the blog in June 2019. I often joke that the best way to go would be dying from a fisting accident but honestly, it’s total bullshit that it should come to that. Side note: KirkJ, a man famous for his large insertions on xtube, ended up injuring himself beyond repair recently while trying to insert a volleyball. Rest in peace.

INTERESTING

• It’s interesting that some guys learned to fist aged 15 with no lube, and that some guys discover it in their 30s or 40s.
• It’s interesting that some guys want intense mental or emotional connection, while others are happy with a purely physical encounter, and others still want either at different times.
• It’s interesting that a day of travel can make you too physically and mentally tired to fist in the evening. Can.
• It’s interesting that the biggest holes I know belong to sober players.
• It’s interesting how in Berlin (where I live), fisting is most often seen as just a part of your sexual repertoire. People aren’t disgusted by it like they are in many other places in the world. A friend told me the other day that Berlin is the most open-minded city in the world, and I believe that’s true. That’s due to a bunch of things that happened in the 20^th Century, none of which I’m going to get into here.
• It’s interesting that the most online presence and amateur fisting porn comes from US Americans. Don’t confuse this for them having more fun than the rest of us. They just love to show it, which is no surprise at all, and isn’t right or wrong. Anyone from anywhere can be a fantastic fister and a good friend.
• It’s interesting that everyone seems to have not only special talents and also little shortcomings. Some guys get haemorrhoids really easily if they go too forcefully. Others have very little endurance for depth (me). Be OK with it. Butts change anyway, as I mentioned already.
• It’s interesting how some guys initially ignore me because I’m not their type, but then later they come back requesting a fist session because they’ve heard from friends about my good reputation. I haven’t yet accepted a request like this, not because I want them to feel bad but rather for two other reasons: 1) when a guy is not attracted to me I lose attraction for him, and 2) you don’t need to have sex with everyone, you little slut.

Now seeing as you made it to the end of this post, here’s a little easter egg for you. I was just talking with a friend about progression, specifically about how far we’ve gotten with our latest dildos. I told him I haven’t progressed as much as I would like. He reminded me that I still have plenty of time. The rest of my life, in fact. I get a lot out of that idea. The access to feeling good and getting the most out of this art is in letting go of goals, not pushing to achieve. Considering that you have your whole life for it, why push too hard? You have all the time in the world. Thinking this relaxes my hole and my mind, and that relaxation is what will propel me further. Try it on.

Also, Gumpy Cat died a couple of weeks ago, on 14^th May 2019. If you’re hearing this for the first time, my condolences. She was an inspiration to many.