Some of you will know by now that I’ve been dividing my blog up a bit differently since launching patreon.com/mlfb, exploring bigger themes in more depth. My first big theme within this new format was prolapses, and if you go to my homepage you’ll get practically slapped across the face by one. And now, for my next theme! Community.
It’s one we do seem to struggle with indeed, myself included. Exploring the idea of community has involved a lot of discussion with ffriends, some new reading of bits of books and drawing on some of my prior knowledge, and a lot of mulling over, to come to some conclusions that I hope you find helpful for your understanding of the fisting community and your place in it.
I want you remember that this is based on my own experience, meaning I haven’t had to face discrimination in the community based on my skin colour, size, age (yet) or gender. To people for whom this is a struggle, you will find my explanation here eye-rollingly naive I suspect. Some People of Colour have recommended I amend this with an acknowledgement of the struggles of minorities within the fisting community, and that’s what this is. I am also in discussion with a supporter who is a POC about an article he might write in future discussing the issue.
I’ve distilled this community article into three observations. See if these sound familiar to you:
1. The community is so loose.
2. You’re standing at the window, looking in.
3. Micro-communities are the real essence of community.
1. The community is sooooo loose.
Lol. Yes, it is! Most of the fisters in the world are people you will never even speak to, let alone have sex with. The fisters you know are the ones in your area, and beyond that the ones who have slid into your DMs or are generally very vocal online, and the people you meet during your or others’ travels. Everyone else doesn’t mean anything to you and you don’t mean anything to them.
On the Such FFun podcast we’ve said before that being a fister puts you in a special club – and it does! – but don’t go mistaking that club for any reason to feel like it has a center, or that it is in any way supportive or necessarily has your best interests at heart. Being part of the fist club simply means a mutual understanding. It means you’ve got a big hole, so do I, therefore I don’t judge you for having a big hole and I want you to experience all the pleasure you want with that big hole of yours, ya big old holey hole. What the fist club doesn’t offer is intimacy or familiarity. When people say they don’t feel part of the fisting community, these are the things they are unfulfilled about. Though like in any worldwide community, this is unrealistic to expect. Just as any Christian might have some shared values with another Christian, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will get along, or find intimacy or familiarity. We are loose, as that is our nature. Let’s not go pretending that we should be any tighter; the Christians aren’t.
Here’s an exception: of course it is lovely and holesome when you gather some fisters together socially and have a great time. That is no longer the fisting community as a whole, but rather already a micro-community. More on that in a moment. The first and most important point is to not be disappointed that the worldwide fisting community isn’t closer or somehow more welcoming. It can’t possibly be. Indeed, it’s only in recent decades that we’ve come together through the internet, and made fisting wildly more visible and accepted, and therefore popular. Celebrate that, but be realistic with the knowledge that that is not what makes a supportive community. We simply share a lot more of our porn with each other, commend each other on the size of our holes, and maybe that’s as far as the connection usually goes.
Of course if you travel, the wider FF community is helpful as you can meet people easily from where you are visiting. Make use of this network gratefully, but don’t expect it full-time. I know a lot of fisters around the world, and mostly we get in contact if we are travelling and have the option to meet; if not, the contact will drop off. We all have busy lives to lead, partners to feed, ladders to climb, and of course a handful of local fisters to meet to fulfill our immediate needs. Don’t confuse this for people not wanting you, even when it comes to locals. You are wanted, you are enough. And sometimes when you bump into fellow fisters by chance, you’re reminded of how you do have friends in all sorts of places, some of whom will come to your aid when you might need, be it for a good fisting, recommendations for new playmates, or even a referral to a good lawyer who can help you in your pending twitter porn case (see my twitter).
2. You’re standing at the window, looking in.
Do you get that feeling? Maybe you’re new to fisting, and find it difficult to penetrate the community. Or maybe you’ve been fisting for years but you tend to notice people hooking up without you and don’t understand why you’re being left out. Your fisting friends seem to know more fisters than you do, or you can’t remember how long it’s been since you last fisted, and it seems like everyone else is having more fun than you, ignoring you, not wanting you, because you’re different, other, an outsider. I think you know what I’m gonna say: we all feel it. This is each of us, and one potential source for it I’ve been considering is a childhood of gay shame.
Gay kids are pushed away, often before they even know what gay is. It starts as an interest in different things to other boys (or girls if you want me to be PC, though for ease I’m gonna stick to boys); we get bullied at school for preferring to sing or read over playing sports or punching each other (hah!),, and when the first crushes happen it’s simultaneously the best and the worst thing. We feel like weirdos, like we have a horrible secret, and are in many situations treated nastily by our idiot child peers. At some point we have to acknowledge that what the kids have been teasing us about is true, and we can’t wish it away no matter how hard we might try. Then the time comes when we need to come out, because we feel we are about to explode, and alone the prospect of it is immensely stressful, and makes our feeling of being other and rejected go through the roof even before we utter the words. Now, every human being is met with with some kind of trauma and shame in childhood that leads to their need to stand out, or be good, or be nice, or be aggressive or whatever way they develop into adulthood. But for us gays it’s more sinister, because our gay shame was born of an existential threat: of our parents kicking us out, or of us being bashed to death, or even the dread of dying of AIDS. Regardless of how our parents and friends react to the actual coming out, it’s the dread, the catastrophising, that has already consumed our imaginations and played a film in our heads a thousand times of the ostracising and the bullying at school, the family breakdown at home, and the ultimate loneliness we are surely destined to feel, if we indeed do survive the ordeal. And while we look back now and don’t believe it still haunts us (after all, we have friends, we have community, we love and are loved, we are safe and the coming out is for most of us so far in the past now), the trauma happened. It exists, because it happened in our minds, no matter how easily the coming out turned out to be. It plays itself out in our lives in various ways. One of the ways is here, in the fisting community, where we all feel like we might be missing out: that there is a center to the fisting community and we are definitely not it.
You might not think that gay trauma applies to you; I didn’t. I’ve read about it a number of times, and forgotten about it as many times, but just this week I’ve been reading a book about it again with the specific intention of understanding more about the idea of the fisting community within the broader gay community. I am realising now that my gay trauma is real. As I said, the results of gay trauma seem to play out differently: my husband has aggression when things don’t work out perfectly (which is always); I push people away as a way to protect myself before they have the opportunity to reject me. For me it can be traced all the way back to one of my earliest memories, when my parents read me a children’s book where a penguin had no friends at the playground.. By the end of the book I was bawling my eyes out. My parents asked why I was crying, and I said because the penguin didn’t have any friends. Despite them explaining that the penguin found a friend in the end, I fixated on not having any friends, and had worked out that that penguin was me. I must have been three years old. I didn’t know anything, but I had it in my head that I was different and nobody would want me. Thinking about it still makes me cry. And still now as a reflex I push people away and don’t maintain contact with my friends, so I can reject them before they have the chance to reject me. (Of course, all I really want is to love and be loved, and for us all to be happy, which is why I do things like write this blog, and talk on Such FFun, and make music for a living.)
And so you stand at the window of the fisting mansion, looking in at all the guys having a blast, living their best fisting life, posting it all over the internet. Theirs surely is 100% magical-orgasmical, and their intimacy is better than yours; they’re laughing their way through life, are taking much more in their butts than you ever will, and there is no sign of gay trauma or struggle of any kind. They’re more muscular and lean than you, have a full head of hair, have the right skin colour, are young and beautiful and attract all the guys, are not at all shy, are friends with everyone and fist a few times a week. They’re the most popular girls in school, and you’re not.
Except there’s nobody in that house. We are all weirdos with gay shame. We are all standing at the window, looking into an empty room. And we are terrified of anyone finding out. And there is only one solution I’ve found to stop this pattern: find your people. Create your own community, no matter how small.
3. Micro-communities are the real essence of the fisting community.
(I say this while currently having not many local fisting friends in Berlin, because I put some explosives under my intimate relationships last year that were well overdue, and am building back better, slowly but surely.) I remember when I was fisting a hell of a lot about 2 years ago, a frequent fisting friend of mine would talk about his feeling of missing out: why weren’t we invited to so-and-so’s party, what about all the fun they were having without us? And I said to him fuck it! Look at us and the fun we’re having. While I’m fisting, nobody else out there beyond these walls exists. In here is where my fisting community is, and nowhere else. It doesn’t matter if you are two people or twenty: your fisting community is the people with whom you are playing right now, or at your next session. You are accepted, you are loved, you are enough, no matter how much you take in your butt, or how much hair you have on your head, no matter the colour of your skin or how old you are, how you express yourself or how often you fist. Your community is the fisters who like to fist with you, or even just like to hang out with you over coffee. And that too can be fleeting. Community is most often a moment in time. But the moments are golden, and they belong to you. The memories of them stay with you, and they get to mean more to you than your gay trauma.
Building a lasting community is tricky. I hear of its success in places like Chicago and Melbourne, and have had the pleasure of experiencing the former, with the latter on my list for the end of this year. These places foster action, with organisation and effort from multiple people to have bigger events, social as well as sexual. And they are made up of smaller micro-communities that meet more often. And the reputation that these groups have attract more people to the city, and the community grows, almost organically. But then they are cared for, by people who want to give themselves for the cause. That needs you as well, so consider helping to organise an event in future in your area. After all, you are the community, it exists within your walls.
It doesn’t matter where you are or who you are. Build yourself a community of between 2 and x number of people, and don’t focus on what is happening out there without you, for that is giving in to the picture of the ffisty mansion where you are standing at the window looking in, and that is just a fairy tale of gay shame.
A further recommendation: delete twitter periodically
Social media is the thing that causes us to compare our lives with others the most. I delete twitter as well as hookup apps periodically and find I enjoy myself much more unplugged. I’ve found doing this very helpful in stabilising myself and becoming comfortable with my fisting how I like to do it, which could lately be best described as infrequent, cathartic, and more on the private side. I guess my porno criminal charge came at a good time 😀
If you appreciate this and want to support me and my writing please join me at patreon.com/mlfb.
Matthew Todd: Straight Jacket. Overcoming Society’s Legacy of Gay Shame. Penguin Books, 2018.
Alan Downs: The Velvet Rage. Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World. Hachette Books, 2012.
Buskowianka is a bit different to the other prolapsers I have been in contact with. For one he’s a straight guy, and seems to do all his anal play by himself. I find it fascinating when a straight guy goes for this, so I wanted to ask him about his journey.
Find Buskowianka here:
Read my other Prolapse Month articles:
Part I: Prolapses: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Part II: Interviewing Timmyph, Thunderhoof and HungerFF
1. Tell us about the beginnings of your prolapse. How long ago did you begin? What gave you the idea in the first place to train it? Was it a natural thing you noticed and decided to enhance, or did you grow it from nothing?
My journey began around 2015. At that time I was browsing through some porn and noticed female pornstars able to prolapse just a little bit. I was unable to get any information regarding how to proceed with prolapsing so decided to try it out on my own. I was desperate to get a small mucosal prolapse that would be just slightly sticking out 🙂 Little did I know back then, that as soon as I hit 5 cm diameter capability, I would prolapse but much more than expected! Guess I’ve gone too hard too quickly. It took me around 6 months to be able to take up 5cm wide buttplugs and I believe that was the major factor that started prolapse in my case. I used to train my anus daily, truly fantastic experience haha. I believe it was matter of hard work rather than any sort of genetic predisposition etc. I used to be stuck with small prolapse for months and I always pushed myself to go further, to discover new methods how can I improve and speed up the process. I’ve invested lots of my free time into researching reasons behind the prolapse as well.
2. What do you like most about your prolapse? Are there any specific physical characteristics about yours that you particularly enjoy? And what about the act of prolapsing, what turns you on about training it and having it?
Being able to play with it whenever I want! I’ve always dreamt about having prolapse so big that I would be able to casually push it out and I achieved it. Of course, currently my goals have changed and I’m still wishing for a bigger size. I love how pinkish it looks, how wet it becomes with just a a little arousal and how it always leaves a wet mark on my underwear whenever I’m in the right mood. It’s the sight of increasing length that gives me motivation to pursue my dreams. Whenever I imagine I could possibly be the only person with such a prolapse, it sends my sex-drive over the roof!
Another thing is I’ve always dreamt about being able to casually push out my prolapse and then use it as a toy – you know, wrap it around my penis and stroke until I achieve bliss 😊 However, that still belongs to my dreams.
3. Do you see it as a purely positive aspect of your body? Are there any negatives, eg. issues going to the toilet; incontinence; prolapsing by accident etc.
Nowadays, I dont see any negatives to having a prolapse of my size. In the beginning I used to deal with lots of bloating and constipation. It took a serious amount of time until I managed to adjust my habits, eg. eating and daily routine to avoid such stuff. Surprisingly, I dont have such symptoms anymore.
I dont notice any sign of incontinence either, apart from some moments when I make dietary mistake and suffer from its consequences – diarrhea can be unbearable for me. Meaning, most probably I wouldn’t reach the toilet on time. That’s a negative. But never had any issues regarding prolapsing by accident. It does only protrude slightly while bearing heavily ex. Heavy objects. On the other hand, having a prolapse means it’s much easier to clean myself and prepare for anal play. I can always use it for self pleasure and I immensely enjoy the fact that it’s never going to turn back to normal again. 🥰
4. What’s the timing of your training regimen like? It seems like you have periods where you train every day, and then stop to have a recovery period to let your guts return to normal digestive function. Is this out of caution, or have you had problems before?
I often train just before going to sleep. I believe this helps to gain the extra length, as muscles are already worked up from a long day, I find it much easier for myself to train at this time of the day. Letting myself rest is important in my training regime, my best routine involves playing each day until bowel movement happens. Then I give myself a few days of rest to normalize everything and ensure progress has been made. I’ve had no problems related to bowel functioning but noticed they are working much faster if I play too often.
5. What is it like being a straight guy who pleasures his asshole?
Hmmm. Quite normal I guess. Meaning, I find it natural to seek pleasure within my own body. Learning to pleasure yourself doesn’t imply you are gay or straight. Personally, I find it quite arousing when people look at my pics and act surprised saying: wow, straight guy playing with his ass, it must be a hoax! However being 1 in 1000000 other people or even more, who can do such stuff with my asshole is fascinating. I hope to be able to gradually move my boundaries to an even higher level. And if people think it’s gay I don’t care nor mind it.
6. You also have a partner; how does that affect your training and your prolapse in general? Does she have a relationship to your butt/prolapse?
I do but prefer not to share any details 😉
7. How do you view the potential dangers of having a body modification that goes wrong? There seems to be a danger of having the gut get stuck outside the body, losing blood flow, and then having to get it operated on and losing your ability for anal pleasure. Is that just a risk you are willing to take or do you think such a danger is exaggerated?
Such danger is very real and should be thought about carefully before deciding to go for it. Chances of it happening are low in my case, I have full control over my muscles and never been in a situation when for example it got stuck outside. No matter how big it becomes, I can always pull it back inside. I would find it concerning otherwise. Bad stuff can happen… Nevertheless, it excites me to the point I’m willing to take all risks and see how far can I go.
8. Describe how it feels to prolapse. Everyone wants to know 😀
It’s similar to pooping. You push out a very long, hefty object but you never get the exact feeling of release, instead, whenever you push out your prolapse you feel slightly relieved as the pressure in the abdomen is partially released. I’m not sure if I’m the only person that finds it pleasurable though!
In touch its wet, soft and hot. Maybe not too hot but temperature is slightly higher than body’s temperature.
9. Do you have any horror stories that involve your prolapse? Eg. falling out in public.
Horror stories? Don’t think so. There were some situations when I felt endangered but it was more due to having objects stuck in my ass rather than anything related to a prolapse. Ex. Got a tangerine 🍊 stuck inside and had to push really hard to get it back outside. Not a long time ago, got an apple stuck in similar way but much much higher. Thankfully, I was able to retrieve it as well 😅 Playing with round objects is risky.
10. Question from a twitter fan: have you given your prolapse a name and/or star sign? If so, what and why?
I haven’t and never thought about it to be honest 🤣 Guess it’s a she but giving her a nickname would be too much for me haha. It’s the way I care about it makes me think that way 🥰
11. Any rarely heard tips about developing the prolapse? Do you have a favourite/most effective technique?
This is the most discussed question among the community and I find it most concerning. The reason is, everyone is built a little bit differently. Our anatomy varies from person to person and what works for me, possibly won’t work for anyone else. It took me long years to find out my most effective routine and I believe that if someone wants to follow my steps despite knowing the consequences, he or she would have to do some research and carefully choose exercises that would work best for them.
All I can recommend is to be playing as often as possible in a way that would traumatise anus as much as possible. Inserting buttplugs suddenly, and suddenly getting them out. Fisting rapidly exiting and reentering inside the rectum. Rapidly increasing size of the toys. Also, taking time to research prolapse is very important. With knowledge comes greater understanding.
12. Any extra words of wisdom to budding prolapsers out there?
Actually yes! Back in the times I was starting there was little to no information regarding this topic. Still I find it concerning up to this day so I would suggest doing as much research on your own as possible. Learn the human body, learn your body, learn to listen to yourself. Never trust people telling you to do something if you feel unsure with it. It’s your body and you have the right to do with it whatever you want. I won’t endorse prolapsing among all people on earth but I’m pretty sure if you’ve already been doing this for few years, then you will be able to achieve the same results I have.
In this article:
- Interviewing the people behind the prolapses
- 7 things we talked about
- These are a few of my favourite prolapse vids
Read my other Prolapse Month articles:
Part I: Prolapses: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Part III: Interview with a Prolapse: Buskowianka
Now that you’ve read part oneall about prolapses through a more medical lens, we get to have dessert. And have I got a treat for you!
Interviewing the people behind the prolapses
On a recent Sunday I got to have a Holesome Chat with Timmyph, HungerFF, Thunderhoof. You can watch it by subscribing to my patreon here. Timmyph phoned in from a highway rest-stop together with the famed Jayevil in the car seat next to him (we were enamoured with Jay’s surprise appearance); HungerFF was live from his sabbatical/holiday apartment in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, looking fresh and glistening in the sun; and Thunderhoof and his adorable doggy came to us from his place somewhere in Ireland. And we chatted all things prolapse.
I admit that Timmy, Hunger and Thunderhoof all belong to my wank bank. Chatting with them for Holesome was such an experience for me because I was focused on their faces rather than their buttholes for once, and I felt the humanity come flushing back into my face – I’m sure I blushed like a schoolgirl. And I had to pinch myself as well, because this is where I am now, interviewing my sex idols and getting to know them a little bit. And no, knowing them doesn’t make them any less sexy to me. It’s just a matter of refocusing. I might end up watching them less and want to play with them more…but no, their buttholes are at the top of their game – why would I stop watching?
Here are some cool things we talk about on the Holesome Chat:
1. Fantasy vs real life.
This is number one because it’s the most important. Hunger mentioned the potential of his body getting injured from the prolapsing if it goes too far. He has mentioned to me on a few occasions how the viewer, especially in live sessions, might only have their fantasy in mind, which is to see Hunger’s prolapse out to the max – something that might end up causing injury or needing assistance to get put back in (however unlikely a scenario that may seem). It’s important to differentiate between a fantasy of endless prolapse on a pornstar, and the reality of what a person is able to do safely with their body. Zoom out a bit and I classify this as seeing the people beyond their sex acts, or in this case the people behind their prolapses. This even belongs inside the discussion of sex work is work. I won’t get into it any further, just wanted to sketch that thought for you briefly. Think about it next time you goon out to someone prolapsing.
2. How it feels having one
Timmy said that he loves the feeling of having a prolapse because he can feel the pressure in his guts that are outside, pulling it out. That makes a lot of sense when you think about it. We fist bottoms all appreciate the pressure of something against our insides, especially deeper in – it isn’t about the nerve endings of the asshole so much, but rather the pressure of things moving around, stretching and moving the guts. This is like the inside out version of that. for the part that is outside (the rectum), and the tugging of that on the guts that are inside. Hunger mentioned the term Prolapsing For Pleasure, something that he has discussed on some mainstream podcasts: the idea that prolapsing is pleasurable in the same way someone might have a wank. PFP anyone?
3. Shitting with one
Yep, everyone wants to know. The guys give the last word on this, and Hunger revealed the truth for the first time! All three guys said they have a lot of control over their guts. My understanding was that this doesn’t happen to Thunderhoof. Timmy had no comment on the matter… So maybe it’s completely individual? And stop asking this question because apparently nobody wants to think too much about shit. The End. Btw, if this is a fetish of yours, go to thisvid.com and search for it. You’re welcome.
4. Putting Timmy back inside requires special skill, and obviously Jayevil has played enough with Timmy to know exactly how to do it. We talked briefly about the technique of putting it back in, but it has to be seen to be believed. It certainly takes patience and tenacity, and I can’t wait to take the practical test myself. Interestingly, Thunderhoof and Hunger can suck theirs back in most of the time, though Hunger raves on about how much nicer/easier/more intimate/sexier it is when his top helps him out with it. Can we call this putting the baby to bed?
5. Get out, and stay out!
Keeping it out for a long time does become uncomfortable (except for Hunger apparently, who has sometimes left it out for hours, and even fell asleep with it out once). Having its circulation cut off is a real thing, and a logical concern to have. Thankfully all 3 of their loose holes don’t have too much of a problem getting their guts shoved back through them. However I do sometimes have nightmares of Timmy’s guts getting trapped outside forever and falling off. Hot, right?
6. Growing it
Thunderhoof is adamant that you shouldn’t do things like pump your prolapse. He told us that every bit of growing he has done has been from using toys. All three of my prolapsing trio agreed that their prolapse started incidentally; it wasn’t something they had the goal of attaining. Growing it after that seems to have been easy. That is a lot of anecdotal evidence for prolapsing being nature rather than nurture. Buskowianka (a straight prolapser) has a bit of a different take on it – read his Prolapse Month interview here.
7. Actually coming together to talk about their prolapses with each other was something that had not yet ever been documented. The Brothers Prolapse! I am super happy that I was able to facilitate this, and I highly recommend you go watch it. They go off on all sorts of tangents about their prolapses, and it was all fascinating to hear. You can watch Holesome by subscribing to patreon.com/mlfb for as little as $2.
Now it’s time for dessert. This is a list of some of my favourite prolapse vids, you nasty fuckers. Get those poppers ready.
1. My all-time favourite: HungerFF and Pumpermike (where Pumpernike extends Hunger’s prolapse by ⅓, only available at hungerff.com.
2. StalkerFF Double fisting a giant prolapse
3. Meat on a boat
4. Brik7 and Bottom_FF
5. Thunderhoof Pissing and prolapsing on a wooden floor (only available at jff)
8. Eli Zaheer
9. Timmyph’s prolapse ring
Or the bootleg for ya (Timmy I hope you don’t mind!):
10. Timmyph asshole to armpits
And finally some special mentions:
IncredibleGuy – the most recent addition I’ve seen.
@prolapseenhance from Australia, growing his prolapse nicely.
Punchboy, of course
Check out @dungeonsanti on twitter for the craziest dark fantasy drawings all dedicated to prolapses.
Next up: Part III of Prolapse Month: I interviewed Buskowianka, a straight, passionate prolapser – go check it out.
Also don’t forget to subscribe to support my blog and receive the video content 😉